Rammi!

Sarah Palin and Tina Fey look identical, but what would happen if they were given each others' roles?

Whilst everyone is wondering how McCain's choice panders to Hillary Clinton supporters, some of us in the micro-blogging world are thinking of the more shallow aspects, such as "ZOMG, SHE'S TINA FEY'S TWIN!!!111ONEONEONE!!!!" I'm sure Tina Fey would be flattered, considering Sarah Palin is about 6 years older than her (yes, I DID Google it).

I was meant to be writing an essay for something, but looking at my 30 Rock DVD, this got me thinking... What would they both do if their roles were reversed, and Tina Fey was potentially going to be the next VP, and Sarah Palin was the actress?

Please be aware that my knowledge of American politics sucks, and any inaccuracies in this post - of which there are many - are my own. The images were taken for information purposes only, and all the bad photoshopping was my own work. :) Also, I know almost nothing about the personal lives of Sarah Palin and Tina Fey, save for a few articles on Wikipedia (and the fact that I watch too much 30 Rock).

If Sarah Palin was a comic genius...

1. Most of her jokes would be linked to the oil crisis (she married Todd Palin, an 'oil production operative').


2. Instead of 'Mean Girls' being released, it would have been 'Mean Pageants' - I wonder if she still feels bitter about coming 2nd in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant?


3. SNL would avoid any jokes that were to do with gay marriage.


4. Celebrities who had 'inhaled marijuana' would be given a sympathetic shoulder to cry on.


5. The 'Dear Sister' SNL sketch would have had her in a starring role, due to her lifetime membership to the National Rifle Association.


6. As the main character in 30 Rock, she would have just shot people if they was being annoying.


7. Instead of eating cookies, she would have eaten moose burger instead.


8. 30 Rock would be pro-Republic, as opposed to leaning towards the Democrats.


9. Baby Mama would have talked about being pro-life throughout.


10. She'd be excellent on political satire shows.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="250" caption="Tina Fey accepting her VP nomination?"][/caption]

If Tina Fey was a potential Vice President...

1. She'd attempt to make everyone learn Klingon (yay for Star Wars fans)!


2. She'd introduce a proposal to give writers huge salaries, to prevent another writer's strike from happening again.


3. Her speeches would actually be funny.


4. She'd probably be best friends with the Senate by the time the election rolled around.


5. There'd be lots of hybrid cars whizzing about the place!! (Wikipedia says she drives a Lexus hybrid)


6. Oh, and like any other environmentalist, she'd encourage more recycling... [Have you realised that I don't know much about her yet?]


7. Hopefully she'd make McCain smile more than once a year - [ignoring the fact that she's apparently a Democrat and supported Hillary Clinton].


8. Anything to do with creative arts would be recommended for a large boost in funding.


9. Less internet censorship! I doubt that McCain even realises the impact of the internet. ;) When he announced that Sarah Palin was going to be his running mate, her website's servers automatically went down, haha.


10. Lastly, I guess she'd be good PR?

You'll probably never see any of the things I've mentioned in the post above happening, but one can dream, can't they? Everything you have just read also proves that I have way too much time on my hands.

Originally published at Rammi.... You can comment here or there.

Last year, I took part in Yellow Umbrella Day. I was meant to be doing a 5km 'walk'. 'Walk', my ass. As soon as the whistle blew, everyone began running. Now, I'm quite unfit, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Walking 5km is easy peasy, lemon squeezy. But RUNNING 5km? Uh, NO. Puffing and panting my way towards the finish line, I got overtaken by many people, including 5 year old kids and mums pushing buggies. Hmph.

So, why am I doing it again this year? I would like to be one of those generous people who say they're doing it for the charity, but that sadly isn't true. To be honest, what made me sign up this year was the thought, "I WILL finish before a 6 year old kid this year! I must!"

I may also be 'walking' with @JohanYugen for this year's YUD. Note to self: Try to outrun him. ;)

If you'd like to sponsor me (Translation: SPONSOR ME, DAMN IT!) then you can do so here, here and here.

The Kids' Cookery School
The Log Cabin
The Shooting Star Children's Hospice

My overall target is £100, and all the money I raise offline will be split between these charities (the pages each have a target of £33.35). If you donate, please split your donation between the three pages.
For example, if your overall donation was £10 *coughs* - If 10 people gave me £10, I'd reach my target in no time - then you'd give £3.33 to each page.

Anyway, enough of my whining. Please sponsor me, and I'll give you glomps and cookies if you do!

Originally published at Rammi.... You can comment here or there.

I had this long, half-finished blog post about the internet - because it seems I'm good at ranting about it - that I was meaning to finish for today, but then I realised the time. It's already 11pm, AARGH! Due to not wanting to fail NaBloPoMo on the 5th day (it took me a whole three weeks last year for me to realise that I wasn't going to finish my NaNoWriMo novel in time!), I thought today's post would state something obvious:

My online friends are all amazing. Probably even better than my 'real' friends, who I've realised don't really give a shit either way. >.<

One of the key things that triggered this post was Yellow Umbrella Day.

Last year, when I did Yellow Umbrella Day, there was no option to raise money online. Looking for sponsors was like trying to get blood out of a stone. Now, I won't lie to you. I'm not very popular extremely unpopular at my school full of chavs and wannabe 'gangstas', so I knew I wasn't going to get any money out of them, charity or otherwise.

What did surprise me was various 'friends' of mine asking me questions about why I was doing it, not believing me when I told them it was for charity, and telling me to keep the money when people DID sponsor me. Oh, and I musn't forget about the constant crap they were giving me about my failure when it comes to P.E. I already know that I'm rubbish at it, thank you very much. I don't need others telling me what I can and cannot do. The most annoying part about the constant jibes were the fact that they were thinly disguised as jokes, and my so-called 'friends' could not see that I wasn't laughing. I wasn't asking for just money, I was asking for their support. Obviously, I did not get it.

This year, Yellow Umbrella Day gave us an option to raise money online, which I quickly took up. Within the space of 24 hours, I've managed to raise £50 for my charities (thank you Caledonia, Twix, LL, Lizziefrog and Coyote Pace!) and I'm already halfway towards achieving my £100 target... SQUEE!

Thankfully, I got no twatty comments from my 'friends' this year, with some saying they'll come along, and some even saying they'll donate. I don't want to sound like an arrogant prick, but we seem to be maturing at different rates. Perhaps being an only child has led me to grow up fast, but I'm more mature than some of my 'friends' will ever be, and this leads me to think that I'd rather be friendless in real life rather than be surrounded by a group of people who are just so, so... childish. There's really no other way of putting it.

I've met some of my closest friends through a computer, and they're the nicest people I know. Why can't I get that in real life?

Originally published at Rammi.... You can comment here or there.

I'm sorry I haven't posted here for a while. So many weird and wonderful things (ooh, alliteration!) have happened in the last month that I could've blogged about, but I didn't. Why? I honestly have no clue. The time just flew away. You know, when I started blogging again earlier in the year, I told myself that this time, the blogging was for myself, and myself alone - a record of my life. Who cares if no one reads it?

The truth is, I do.

As much as I try to convince myself that I don't, some part of me will always want a large 'fan' base, comments, interaction... You know the deal. I promised myself that this time, it would be different. I'd actually put some effort into maintaining this website, after so many years of neglect. That promise I made to myself obviously failed... The first thing I had on my list was to create a layout, and I don't see that happening any time soon, at the pace I'm going.

Several years ago, I used to put most of my time into running websites, making sure everything - translation: almost nothing - worked, affiliating with others, etc. The key thing that's changed now is the lack of time I have. Days go by so quickly, weeks are a blur, and months fade into each other without any significance.

Hopefully, one day, I'll be able to take this whole website malarkey seriously again. Until then, I guess I'll have to be satisfied with performing at a substandard level, for lack of better words. I hate that, but there's really nothing I can do to change it.

Originally published at Twilight Lullaby. You can comment here or there.

Ooh, I had fun tonight. :D Microblogging has made me incapable of huge thoughts at a very late time, though, so I shall gather up my Twitter stream for evidence of what happened...

1. I will leave the house at 5pm today. Time to collect my French and Saunders ticket! I'll be sitting in AA16. :D SQUEE!


2. I'm in the very front row!


3. The Theatre Royal's slogan is 'a really useful theatre.' How can a theatre be really useful?


4. Damn. Failed to steal chocolate from Dawn French.


5. Lenny Henry and Robin Williams are here.


6. Highlight of the night: Dawn French: [dramatic sobbing] Me: *laughing* Dawn French: "Look, Jen, that girl's laughing! Stop laughing!"

Erm, that didn't tell you very much about my night, did it? Oops. I'll explain more later.

Originally published at Twilight Lullaby. You can comment here or there.

I don't know what to do. GAH!

Originally published at Twilight Lullaby. You can comment here or there.

I has no plot any more! Help?!

Originally published at Twilight Lullaby. You can comment here or there.

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I'm going to see French and Saunders! And I now have a seat at the very front! :D :D :D

Originally published at Twilight Lullaby. You can comment here or there.

No novelling today. I'm just not in the mood. Instead, I'll tell you about what happened to me last week...

On the 29th of October, I paid £68.25 (approximately $130) to go and see French and Saunders. I thought, "Well, you know, it's French and Saunders, I might as well get a good seat..."
I ended up getting Row M3, which was 'meh', now that you think about it.
My plan was to go and see French and Saunders, have a kickass night, and microblog when I could.
It's a shame First Great Western didn't think the same way.
I was running slightly late, but not too late to be of concern. I got on a train going to London Paddington at Ealing Broadway at 19:33 (the show was due to start at 20:00). Normally, the train journey from Ealing Broadway to Paddington takes 10 minutes. Once I reached Paddington, it would have also taken me 15-18 minutes to get to Piccadilly Circus station on the Bakerloo Line, and change for Covent Garden. These figures are all taken from the TFL Journey Planner, btw.
I was cutting it a bit close, but I would have made it in the nick of time, and at most, would have been 5 to 10 minutes late. I wasn't bothered by that.

Halfway to Paddington, the train stopped, because there was another freight train in front of us. 5 minutes went by, then 20, then 30. The driver only gave us two updates in the 38 extra minutes that we were stuck in a tunnel, getting me more panicked by the minute (and with good reason, as I later found out).
By then, I was in tears, not just because I was hopelessly late, but because I had phoned the Theatre Royal, but as I had bought the tickets off Ticketmaster, I had to phone them. As luck would have had it, Ticketmaster had a strict no refunds/exchange policy, no matter what the circumstances were. I've never had any problems with Ticketmaster and their tickets before, but I knew that arguing with them would be hopeless. I realised that I had spent almost £70 on a ticket to a show that I wasn't even going to get to see. This is where I'd like to say that the people on the train were awesome. They gave me tissues and talked to me, and if I ever meet them again, I need to give them a massive hug.
It was 20:21 when I got off that train at Paddington, making it 38 minutes late (the arrival time was supposed to be 19:43). Add 10 minutes on for the time the journey was supposed to take, and I realised that I had spent 48 minutes in that train. I knew I had also completely missed the first half of the show - the first half would be over by 20:45, and the 15-18 minutes that it would take me to get there would mean that I would arrive in time for the interval, if at all.
Speaking with First Great Western did not help either. All they could offer upfront as compensation was the cost of my travel. As I'm a 'child', I get drastically reduced rates for travel, so the journey from Ealing Broadway to Paddington was 50p. 50p for being stuck in a train for almost an hour seemed like a slap in the face to me. "They were not responsible for consequential losses," according to the snobby call centre worker. If I wanted to appeal for more, i.e. the cost of my F&S ticket, I would have to send them proof of the ticket, along with a long letter about why I wanted them to pay up.
... Which leaves me where I am now. Part of this post will make up my letter to them. There is no guarantee that I will get my money for the ticket back, although I certainly feel that they should cover it, seeing as I would have been on time if it wasn't for them.

There's a final part to this story. After speaking with First Great Western and screaming in frustration, I had to go and get my ticket from the box office, didn't I?
I arrived right in the middle of the interval, where everyone was milling around, talking excitedly about the show.
The theatre staff gave me my ticket, if I promised to go and see the second half of the show, as 'they were not sure if I'd be able to get my money back'. They were right, and I knew this also, but I was not in the mood for comedy, whether I had paid for it or not. In retrospect, I know the theatre staff meant well, but when a person has spent an hour in a train, making phone calls and getting frustrated and upset, they don't exactly want to be in a place where people are laughing all the time.
I sat there for an hour, whilst everyone around me was laughing. They probably thought I was a miserable old cow.

And there's my tale. If you'd like to help me get another ticket, please(?) go to buyrammiafrenchandsaundersticket.chipin.com.

Originally published at Twilight Lullaby. You can comment here or there.

"Blah blah blah, dead body, questionably female, blah blah blah..." the Weird CSI-type Detective Who Has No Social Skills said, before attempting to do that snappy-snappy thing with his camera.

"You're holding the camera upside-down," one of his coworkers (The One Who Is Slightly Scared of His Boss) quipped. It was true. He was currently trying to take a picture by pressing on the lens. Git.

"So, what do you think this could be?" The One Who Is Secretly In Love With Her Boss But Thinks That All She Has Is Unrequited Love asked. The victim, like all of them in the crappy TV shows, showed no signs of struggle, and there were no obvious causes for her death. As usual, Katharine Cirrial, the victim, looked surprisingly healthy, apart from being dead, of course.

[You can tell that the author likes watching these little crime dramas, but the terminology goes straight over her head, so her attempt at her own little crime thing here will fail miserably]

"Ooh, I've found a tan coat!" the Annoying Favourite of the Boss yelled from behind the bush.

"DO NOT TOUCH IT!" The Boss suddenly materialised out of nowhere, grabbing the swabs and other crap out of a seemingly nonexistent bag. As he walked over to the crime scene, no one noticed that he was technically contaminating it without wearing gloves, covers over his shoes, etc., but hey, it wasn't real life! No one was bothered!

As the crime scene investigation people moved closer and closer to the scene of the crime, they heard music coming out of the coat again...

We’re no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of
You wouldn’t get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We’ve know each other for so long
Your heart’s been aching
But you’re too shy to say it
Inside we both know what’s been going on
We know the game and we’re gonna play it

And if you ask me how I’m feeling
Don’t tell me you’re too blind to see

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Give you up. give you up
Give you up, give you up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, give you up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, give you up

I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

What the wannabe detectives did not know was that because the Invi Doll was not there any more, the coat was basically now just a musical tribute to Rick Astley.

[Author Note: I know I'm falling behind. I'll catch up later at the weekend]

Originally published at Twilight Lullaby. You can comment here or there.